Today, oddly, I went on a date. I know that it sounds a bit crazy to be posting this in my breakup blog, but I figured that it was time and so out I went.
Shockingly, or at least to me, the girl was actually pretty spectacular. Granted, alarm bells were going off in my head about being fearful of rebounding, moving too soon, and a million other things, but instead of limiting myself and over-analyzing, I just decided to chat and have a nice afternoon.
I definitely felt off my game. I mean, after dating the same girl for almost three years, I was a bit rusty and definitely very, very nervous. I mean, how in the world do adults date strangers? Maybe if it was someone I had known a bit, I would have been a little more chill, but the good news is she was very nice, very sweet, and truthfully, very easy to get along with.
In fact, in some ways I was a little annoyed that she was so great and that the date went so well - I'm even assuming that it was a date? I mean, I have no idea how one even knows that - I asked her to do something and we did it - but I digress. The reason I am so annoyed that the date went so well is because it seems like the last thing that I really needed at that point in time in some ways. If things could have gone horribly, or she wasn't such a sweetie pie, then I probably would not care very much about the whole thing. Instead, because it was so awesome, now I am a little more concerned about the future, both in terms of anxiety and in terms of being scared.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that I have become a teenager. I have no idea what is going on, what to expect, how to date, how I should feel, what I should think, how I should act, or whether she even likes me in that manner. Life would be easier if I could send her a note with three checkboxes on it - yes, no, maybe, and simply ask her if she was interested. However, since I am unable to do that, I suppose I will just have to be patient and enjoy the ride.
The good news is she did text me afterwards and say thanks - so hopefully that was a good sign. To be continued...
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
Roller-Coaster of Emotions
It's been a bit since I posted, and the time since then has been a roller-coaster where I hit rock bottom for a few days, and then bounced back up and am doing okay at this moment.
The unhappiness just hits out of the blue sometimes. I do not even think it is the breakup itself sometimes, but rather the isolation that accompanies it. Some days, you just mist that person so much, and when the rest of your life crumbles around you, those are the moments where you truly miss the person that is always there for you.
The happiness also hits out of the blue sometimes. Although I never really thought I would get there, I find myself realizing that I haven't thought about it for a bit. There are moments where I actually catch myself noticing other women and not comparing them with the ex. There are times where I feel better off.
When I am happy, I give myself a pat on the back for doing okay. When I am sad, I remind myself that it is going to be okay and that I am tough. But I think the hardest part about going back and forth through these emotional states is not berating myself for not feeling a certain way - I mean, the title of this blog says it all - getting over a breakup is hard. If you think otherwise, or try to act like some kind of superhero without any weaknesses, then you just set yourself up for feelings of weakness and failure. After all, even superheroes tend to have a weakness (an ex is the equivalent of kryptonite if you need a little help understanding why you are not invincible or recovering fast enough).
So, I just keep on keeping on. I try to make it each day, one day at a time, and I hope that the next day will be a little better. I try to stay focused on the things that I need to do now in order to make my tomorrow better, so that I don't end up regretting my future because of the past. It isn't always the easiest, but I know in the end I will be stronger for having gone through this.
One day at a time...
The unhappiness just hits out of the blue sometimes. I do not even think it is the breakup itself sometimes, but rather the isolation that accompanies it. Some days, you just mist that person so much, and when the rest of your life crumbles around you, those are the moments where you truly miss the person that is always there for you.
The happiness also hits out of the blue sometimes. Although I never really thought I would get there, I find myself realizing that I haven't thought about it for a bit. There are moments where I actually catch myself noticing other women and not comparing them with the ex. There are times where I feel better off.
When I am happy, I give myself a pat on the back for doing okay. When I am sad, I remind myself that it is going to be okay and that I am tough. But I think the hardest part about going back and forth through these emotional states is not berating myself for not feeling a certain way - I mean, the title of this blog says it all - getting over a breakup is hard. If you think otherwise, or try to act like some kind of superhero without any weaknesses, then you just set yourself up for feelings of weakness and failure. After all, even superheroes tend to have a weakness (an ex is the equivalent of kryptonite if you need a little help understanding why you are not invincible or recovering fast enough).
So, I just keep on keeping on. I try to make it each day, one day at a time, and I hope that the next day will be a little better. I try to stay focused on the things that I need to do now in order to make my tomorrow better, so that I don't end up regretting my future because of the past. It isn't always the easiest, but I know in the end I will be stronger for having gone through this.
One day at a time...
Monday, June 4, 2012
June Update
Hi there. I haven't posted in a bit, and I really haven't made much progress since the last time I wrote. This is probably because I made the dreaded mistake that so many seem to make - letting the ex back in.
Ha. I suppose that I am being too hard on myself to say that I have not made any progress, because the truth is that I have just kept on keeping on, which is in itself an accomplishment. I have been taking care of my life, although I often feel like a punch drunk boxer stumbling around the ring after taking a hard uppercut - sometimes I am not sure where I am going or what I am doing, but I am absolutely determined to stay on my feet.
Regarding the ex, we started talking a bit again, after running into each other one day. This was prior to her finally moving out of my building and no longer being my neighbor (which has helped a lot since). Then she started texting me again, then we hung out, and it seemed like we might be back on the path to getting together. Although, I have to say, I never really bought into the idea. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but she was going through some things and I decided to support her, even though I suspected that we would repeat what happened at the beginning of April. She would pop back in my life for a bit, then pop back out when she freaked out yet again - and that was exactly what happened.
However, I'm not really that mad about it. I am a little disappointed, but I think that relates more to being lonely than actually missing her. I am slightly angry because she bounced back out of my life again, but more so at myself than her - then again, I forgive myself also because I entered with my eyes wide open and was expecting exactly what happened.
I guess that is how you know you truly care about someone. You expect the worst of them, you see them in need, and you decide to take the proverbial hit in order to protect them or help them. I care about her, so I made decisions to make her life better that were not exactly in line with my own best interest. I suppose that is why they say that love is sacrifice.
At any rate, I just thought I would check in with myself and anyone who happens across this blog - I write not only to let these things out of my own head and heart, but also so that someday someone might read this and know that they aren't alone. Breakups are no fun, they are tough, and it is so no picnic to make it through each day - but I can do it, and so can you.
Ha. I suppose that I am being too hard on myself to say that I have not made any progress, because the truth is that I have just kept on keeping on, which is in itself an accomplishment. I have been taking care of my life, although I often feel like a punch drunk boxer stumbling around the ring after taking a hard uppercut - sometimes I am not sure where I am going or what I am doing, but I am absolutely determined to stay on my feet.
Regarding the ex, we started talking a bit again, after running into each other one day. This was prior to her finally moving out of my building and no longer being my neighbor (which has helped a lot since). Then she started texting me again, then we hung out, and it seemed like we might be back on the path to getting together. Although, I have to say, I never really bought into the idea. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but she was going through some things and I decided to support her, even though I suspected that we would repeat what happened at the beginning of April. She would pop back in my life for a bit, then pop back out when she freaked out yet again - and that was exactly what happened.
However, I'm not really that mad about it. I am a little disappointed, but I think that relates more to being lonely than actually missing her. I am slightly angry because she bounced back out of my life again, but more so at myself than her - then again, I forgive myself also because I entered with my eyes wide open and was expecting exactly what happened.
I guess that is how you know you truly care about someone. You expect the worst of them, you see them in need, and you decide to take the proverbial hit in order to protect them or help them. I care about her, so I made decisions to make her life better that were not exactly in line with my own best interest. I suppose that is why they say that love is sacrifice.
At any rate, I just thought I would check in with myself and anyone who happens across this blog - I write not only to let these things out of my own head and heart, but also so that someday someone might read this and know that they aren't alone. Breakups are no fun, they are tough, and it is so no picnic to make it through each day - but I can do it, and so can you.
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