June Update

Hi there.  I haven't posted in a bit, and I really haven't made much progress since the last time I wrote.  This is probably because I made the dreaded mistake that so many seem to make - letting the ex back in.

Ha.  I suppose that I am being too hard on myself to say that I have not made any progress, because the truth is that I have just kept on keeping on, which is in itself an accomplishment.  I have been taking care of my life, although I often feel like a punch drunk boxer stumbling around the ring after taking a hard uppercut - sometimes I am not sure where I am going or what I am doing, but I am absolutely determined to stay on my feet.

Regarding the ex, we started talking a bit again, after running into each other one day.  This was prior to her finally moving out of my building and no longer being my neighbor (which has helped a lot since).  Then she started texting me again, then we hung out, and it seemed like we might be back on the path to getting together.  Although, I have to say, I never really bought into the idea.  I wasn't sure what I wanted, but she was going through some things and I decided to support her, even though I suspected that we would repeat what happened at the beginning of April.  She would pop back in my life for a bit, then pop back out when she freaked out yet again - and that was exactly what happened.

However, I'm not really that mad about it.  I am a little disappointed, but I think that relates more to being lonely than actually missing her.  I am slightly angry because she bounced back out of my life again, but more so at myself than her - then again, I forgive myself also because I entered with my eyes wide open and was expecting exactly what happened.

I guess that is how you know you truly care about someone.  You expect the worst of them, you see them in need, and you decide to take the proverbial hit in order to protect them or help them.  I care about her, so I made decisions to make her life better that were not exactly in line with my own best interest.  I suppose that is why they say that love is sacrifice.

At any rate, I just thought I would check in with myself and anyone who happens across this blog - I write not only to let these things out of my own head and heart, but also so that someday someone might read this and know that they aren't alone.  Breakups are no fun, they are tough, and it is so no picnic to make it through each day - but I can do it, and so can you.