I titled this post "My Break Up: Day 1" but in truth it should probably read something more along the lines of "My Break Up: Day 51." Unfortunately for me, I followed a pattern that is typical of the majority of relationships that I have had in life, and that a lot of people probably follow as well, and thus my break up did not truly become real to me until today.
Before I get into all of that, and tell you the story of what happened, I suppose that I should start by telling you why I am writing this blog. First and foremost, it is to keep myself sane. Yes, admittedly there are entirely selfish reasons for this blog, and the primary one of those is to keep me from climbing walls, being locked in a padded room, drinking myself into a stupor, or some other terrible fate that I am sure I would regret once I get over the grief and pain that I am going through.
Second, I thought that it might be nice to share this experience with others. I mean, I found myself searching the web for break up advice all day. I looked at everything from dealing with a break up to how long should you date after a break up - heck, I even looked up how to spell break up (is it one word? is there a hyphen? should there be?) and in truth I just found myself desperately reading anything that might help me to deal with this pain inside. I figure that if I am out there looking for help, then you might be as well, and perhaps sharing my story with you might help - which is a good thing. Just bear in mind that I'm being a bit humorous for your benefit, and the truth of the matter is that a few hours ago I was lying on my floor crying as I stared at the ceiling.
Another reason for writing this is because I believe it will be therapeutic. If there is one piece of advice that I have read over and over it is that you should get your pain and such out of your body with writing - not only is it good for you, but the mere effort of writing about the break up every single day will supposedly get bothersome and lead you to eventually dread thinking or writing about it - and trust me when I can say that not thinking about all of this and moving on would be a sweet luxury that I almost don't dare to dream of.
Finally, I need something to pass the time. Honestly, I'm so sad and upset that I am not being very productive in life. If I am to be very honest, I also do not smell very well right now either. Doing anything seems like a great burden, and although I was able to force myself to the gym for a bit earlier, the act of taking a shower afterwards proved to be too much.
I am going to assume that I am going to have plenty to say about this break up as time goes on, and face some very unique challenges that you will enjoy reading about - and by enjoy, what I really mean is that I am certain that my fellow sufferers will identify with my pain and suffering, as I deal with one of the worst possible break up situations - for the next month, my ex-girlfriend is also my neighbor living two doors down. We broke up about 51 days ago, and have about 30 days left to go as neighbors.
Even better? She's seeing someone else now. Even better? She lied to me about it at first, which allowed me to have hope, and she even talked to me about us getting back together (at which time we also slept together - DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE IF YOU VALUE YOUR SANITY). So, while I am all really working hard on re-committing myself to the relationship, trying to convince myself that it can work, and dealing with all of my fears of it not working, she is out seeing another guy.
You may ask in light of all of this information why I am calling today "My Break Up: Day 1" and that is a very valid question. I suppose the short and simple answer is that I only found out/figured out all of this information about the other guy today, and finally realized that the relationship is in fact over. Thus, today is Day 1 for me.
Although I am in massive pain, the irony of the situation is not lost upon me, and I realize that the truth about most break-ups (I switched to hyphens there - seems more correct and also matches the movie title) is that one person is always a few weeks or months (or god forbid years) behind. One person always has more time to mentally adjust and deal with it, and the other person finds themselves caught off guard.
One of the things that I am most annoyed about regarding my prior relationship is that I tried to break it off on numerous occasions because I knew it was unhealthy and problematic, but for some reason(s) (to be explored later) I kept getting back into it. Eventually, those on-again off-again break-ups were part of what led some of our issues, but lest I digress too much...
I was the hare. She was the tortoise. I sprinted off into the land of being okay without her, of being okay without the relationship, and of winning the race towards being okay... only to find in the end that she was at the finish line well ahead of me. Ouch.
Stay tuned for the thrilling story (likely to be updated often) of my break-up.
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